A Theory of Gift Giving--Antidote to "Black Friday"

Today is called "Black Friday." The very name makes me nauseous. This is not a name I grew up with; it is a recent invention (that info is for the benefit of young people--the name is neither historical nor inevitable). This is the day we are supposed to spend and buy until we are broke and cross-eyed. This, we are led to believe, is part of the raison d'etre of being an American: "shop until you drop." Thankfully, many people are rejecting this perverse theology. They know that as human beings we are much more than what we buy and what presents we receive.

A teacher I had when a student at the University of Notre Dame, Sr. Franzita Kane CSC (Sister Franzita was a professor at St. Mary's College, across the road from Notre Dame), once told us her philosophy of gift giving. She had an anti-materialistic view of gifts. Gifts should be given freely, with no hope or expectation that you will get something in return. Gifts are always symbolic, and should be selected with that in mind. Gifts should not be utilitarian (at least on a primary level--as with people, a gift's purpose is not primarily for its usefulness). Gifts should be accepted gracefully and gratefully--we must allow people to give gifts, not always turn them away or pooh-pooh gift giving--it takes some humility to accept a gift.

With a philosophy like this, you probably won't be going out on "Black Friday" fighting your way through a shopping mall to buy gifts for people you love. You might be at home making something, writing a poem, sewing, knitting, cross-stitching, painting a picture, etc. You might be going to displays of handmade arts and crafts trying to pick out a simple gift that perfectly fits someone and is appropriate for your relationship with that person.

This is one reason I will write poems for a couple of friends and why I will buy a few simple handmade gifts at the Holden Arboretum Christmas craft sale. Link to Holden's Christmas Sale.

Thanks to Sr. Franzita Kane for this refreshing, even revolutionary, philosophy of gift giving.

This handmade quilt was a retirement gift for Linda from her colleagues.

Sr. Franzita Kane's 104th Birthday

Sunday is the 104th anniversary of the birth of my friend and mentor, Sr. Franzita Kane CSC. She was a professor of mine 1968-70 at St. Mary's College when I was a student at the University of Notre Dame. I (and many others!) thank God for Sr. Franzita's life!

This obit was published in the Deseret News on December 19. 1993.

Distinguished Educator, Sister M. Franzita (Dorothy Honore) Kane, C.S.C., died December 1, 1993 of natural causes at St. Mary's Convent in Notre Dame, Indiana. Sister Franzita Kane was born on January 20, 1909 in Idaho, daughter of Thomas Francis Kane (b. Pueblo, Colorado) and Elizabeth (Olsen) Kane (b. Mink Creek, Idaho). She attended Catholic schools in Park City, Utah and Salt Lake City, Utah and graduated from St. Mary's of the Wasatch (high school) in 1926. She entered the Congregation of the Sisters of the Holy Cross in 1927 and took her final vows August 15, 1930. She received her Bachelors of Arts in 1942 from Immaculate Heart College, her Masters of Arts in 1952 from Catholic University, and her PhD in 1958 from the University of Notre Dame.

She taught English in Catholic secondary schools from 1930 through 1950, served as principal at St. Mary's of the Wasatch from 1947 through 1950. She was an instructor, Department of English, at Dunbarton College in Washington, D.C. in 1953. She began teaching as a professor, Department of English at St. Mary's College in Notre Dame, Indiana in 1960 and served as chairman of the department. She retired from full-time teaching in 1975. She was much beloved by her students for her wit and for demanding the best from her pupils. Her academic career included founding the Sister Madeleva Poetry Association, writing and publishing poetry, as well as editing numerous publications, participating in professional and educational organizations. She traveled extensively to Europe for research and continuing educational studies. She is listed in "Who's Who in American Education.”

Sr. Franzita is survived by six nieces and one nephews, many grand nieces and nephews.

Happy Easter!

I spent some time on Good Friday with Linda at Our Lady of Lourdes Shrine in Euclid, Ohio. This holy place, a replica of Lourdes, sits on a high hill above Euclid Avenue, US Route 20, with a view of Lake Erie a few miles to the north. This shrine is an island of sanity in a sea of insanity. There is no doubt that it is a holy place.

At the Grotto Linda and I lit candles--for my Dad and Mom, for Linda's Dad and Mom, and for all our friends and family, living and dead. I thought especially of Kenny Przybylski and Sr. Franzita Kane. As we did the Stations of the Cross, I thought of my friends who have health challenges: Linda Cotter, Jack Pendergast, Mike Gerrity, John Connell. And certainly their spouses who help them cope: Chris, Vicki, Terry, Marlene.

We Catholics and Christians (and really, all of us, whether Christian or not) have the great gift of Holy Week: The Eucharist of Holy Thursday; the suffering and crucifixion of Good Friday; the waiting of Holy Saturday; the victory over sin and death of Easter Sunday. May all this redeemed suffering and the greatest victory be with you, with all of us, this Easter.

The Communion of Saints

One of the Catholic doctrines that I really love is the belief in the Communion of Saints. The way I understand it is that we are all one big family, those who have passed on, those alive right now, and those not yet born. The doctrine is a kind of time machine, where past, present, and future are one. [Oops. My memory is a bit faulty. I still remember by heart many things I learned from the Baltimore Catechism, but I didn't exactly get the Communion of Saints right. It consists of the Church Militant (the living); the Church Suffering (those in purgatory); and the Church Triumphant (those in Heaven). I like my vision of this concept better!]

In this Communion of Saints, this time machine of love and caring, I think often of my Mom and Dad, of my in-laws, Ruth and Art Sanders, of my Gramma Coughlin, and of certain family and friends (Sr. Franzita Kane, Kenny Przybylski, et al). I pray for them and ask them to pray for me. Lately I've been thinking a lot of my Uncle Jack Coughlin and his tough life. I've been working on a poem about him that I will someday publish on this blog. I've also been thinking about my cousin, Jack Fitzpatrick, brutally murdered one Christmas 37 years ago as he waited in a line at Higbees to see Santa Claus with his small children. This past year Jack's wife, Mary Finnegan Fitzpatrick, died, and I think of Jack and Mary at this time of the year.

I also think about friends with physical ailments. I especially think of Jack Pendergast. He has our fervent prayers and thoughts. And we also pray for his wife Vicki. What a great day when we discovered this long-lost Coughlin cousin. Jack is the great family genealogist and the genius of Irish music with his work with Comhaltas Ceoltoiri Eireann, the association of Irish musicians. We are thinking of you and praying for you Jack! And you too, Vicki!

We also pray for our friends and family members with emotional and psychological suffering. This kind of suffering spares no families--and if you are truthful, there's hardly a person alive who hasn't faced, at least for some period of time, such suffering. We pray for those suffering anxiety, depression, alcoholism, and other addictions.

In the Communion of Saints, we pray for and help each other.

Thanksgiving

The great feast of Thanksgiving approaches--and I'd like to reflect a bit on giving thanks.

We always have plenty to worry about, and this year, with the talk of possible economic disaster, it might feel harder than ever to give thanks. There has never been a time without its share of troubles, and yet there has never been a time when thanksgiving wasn't in order.

What do I have to be thankful for? So many things--and I wish that my final prayer at night was a litany of thanksgiving.

Here are some things I am grateful for:

--My Mom and Dad, gone 5 years and 11 years now. They gave me life, raised me with love and care. Nurtured and protected me, brought me into a big and wonderful and crazy family.

--My family. My wife Linda, and her wonderful spirit; my daughters Julia, Carolan, and Emily, the apples of my eye; my brothers Denny, Kevin, and Jimmy, and my sister Mary Ellen; and all the wonderful in-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, and shirt-tail relatives.

--My own health and energy, and the health of my family and friends.

--I am thankful for my intellect and the great gift of curiosity. Thankful for my facility with language and with music.

--For my home--strangely enough I never expected to have such a home, never expected much in terms of property or wealth.

--For all the odd groups of friends I've had over the years: classmates from St. William's and St. Joe's; neighborhood friends; baseball teammates; friends from all the crazy places I've worked; friends from the University of Notre Dame; friends from Innsbruck, Austria; friends from Lakeland Community College, where I have worked these past 20 years; friends from my Irish-Gaelic study group in Euclid. Thank You, Lord, for friends.

--And I am thankful for many friends and family members who have passed on. Besides Mom and Dad, I especially think of my Gramma Coughlin, Grampa Coughlin, Ruth and Art Sanders, Grandma Hoffman, Aunt Julia Brock, Uncles Dick, Don, and Skip Fitzpatrick, Aunt Mary Fitzpatrick, and so many more. I think of my friends Kenny Przybylski, Maurice McCrackin, Ernest and Marion Bromley, Chuck Matthei, Jack Shereda, and many more.

--And I am thankful for my teachers, living and dead. From St. Williams, Sr. Ruth Marie OSU, Sr. Muriel OSU, Sr. John Leonard OSU (now known as Sr. Alice Brickman), Mrs. Dempsey; from St. Joe's, Richard Pilder SM, Larry Grey SM, Fr. George Reich SM, Mr. Jerry Lennon, Coach Jim McDonough, and so many more. From the University of Notre Dame and St. Mary's College, Prof. Richard Sullivan, Sr. Franzita Kane CSC, Fr. Lawrence Broestl CSC, and so many more.

Thank You, Lord. Let me be true to these wonderful, gracious gifts!