The Conspiracy Unfolds.
On June 7th, four days before my 60th birthday, my family, friends, and colleagues surprised me with a birthday party. Surprise is too mild a word--I was flabbergasted, stunned, gob-smacked! I chalk up the surprise to some devilishly deceptive devious doings by my wife Linda, my sister Mary Ellen, and my daughters Julia and Emily. And there some other suspects in the surprise as well.
Around 5 or 5:30 PM Saturday, June 7th, Linda suggested we go out to a sports bar to watch the Belmont Stakes to see "Big Brown" win the Triple Crown. I should have been suspicious right there because never in our marriage of 30 years has Linda suggested we go to a sports bar! I agreed to go and we ate supper at Damon's and watched Big Brown come in last in the Belmont. Good thing I didn't go through with my plan to bet my retirement funds on this sure thing. Soon after the race we headed home, a 25-minute drive. When we got near Chardon, Linda got a call from Emily saying she spilled a gallon of milk [a lie to stall us while Larry and Anu Needham arrived] and asking us to stop at the Convenient Store to get more milk. I thought to myself, Damn, why isn't Em more careful! Spilled milk over our new kitchen floor! We're going to have to mop that up real good with soap and water. After Linda came out of the store with the milk, she told me that Em was having a bunch of her friends over for a bonfire [another in a string of devious lies!].
Minutes later, we turned north off the GAR Highway, US Route 6, onto Penniman Drive (named after "Little Richard" Penniman, the rock 'n roll pioneer). As we approached our house I saw about 20 cars parked up and down the street near our house. I thought, Damn, Em is having all her friends over for that bonfire. We'll have to chaperone 25 19-year-olds!
We parked the car in the driveway, walked up the steps and opened the door. "Surprise!" yelled some 30 or more people, followed by a rendition of "Happy Birthday." It still didn't sink in! (You must think I am really dense!). I saw my sister Mary Ellen and saw Micki Long taking my picture and thought, What's going on here? What the hell are they doing here ? Where's Em's friends? And then it finally hit me--this was a surprise birthday party for me. I had never ever had one before.
The Linchpin of the Conspiracy.
There were lots and lots of clues that I ignored that allowed for the surprise party to be a genuine surprise. And I admit--I am often oblivious to what's going on around me. I attribute this to my status as an "absent-minded professor," but it could also be attributed to loss of brain cells during the 1960's and 1970's--I lost billions of neurons at Woodstock alone! In fact, I can't even remember for sure if I was there!
Anyway, here's the linchpin of the surprise. Some time in May, my sister Mary Ellen sent an email to Linda at our "Snowbelt98" email address. This hasn't ever been considered a private email address, and I often open emails if they are from my sister or from Sue and Steve Sanders. So I wasn't really snooping at private email. Mary Ellen's email that said something like "see you around Bob's birthday." Well, that should have sent alarm bells ringing, but no . . . . Because a follow up email mentioned something about Mary Ellen and Ed getting together with Linda and me sometime around my birthday in Cleveland's Little Italy neighborhood for supper. In fact, Linda mentioned this possibility to me. Any thought of a surprise birthday party was banished--I just figured we were going to have a nice quiet dinner in the Murray Hill neighborhood sometime around June 10th. That particular email was a trick, a devious trick. These were tracks laid down in the wrong direction--for the express purpose of convincing me that there would be no surprise party. And it absolutely worked. These guys, Mary Ellen and Linda, should work for the CIA. Maybe they do!
Who Was There.
Family. My sister Mary Ellen Zaremba was there with her husband Ed, driving in from Medina County on their Honda Goldwing. My brother Jimmy was there with his wife Jodi and their kids Dillon, Darby, and Quinn (and the kids brought their friend Brandon O'Donnell). My brother Kev was also there with his sons Tommy and Cody (who had graduated from Mentor High
School that very day), but brother Denny and his wife Sher were stuck in San Diego, so they were there in spirit and via telephone. My daughter Julia, one of the co-conspirators was there with her husband Ed. And Ed's parents, Judy and Ken Kleppel also came (we had a surprise 60th birthday party a couple weeks earlier for Judy--I should have seen this coming!). And my youngest daughter, Emily, also a co-conspirator, came up from Athens, Ohio (Ohio University) with her roommate Sarah just for the party. My middle daughter Carolan had just started her environmental education camp in the Front Range mountains above Nederland, Colorado, so she couldn't be there in person, but she did manage to call.
Colleagues. Many of my colleagues at Lakeland Community College were there. In fact, when I opened the door, there was Micki Long snapping my picture. Micki and I were hired at Lakeland on the same day in 1988, and have worked closely together for 20 years. Also there were Sue Kincaid and her husband Tim. Sue and I have worked together for some 18 years. Larry Needham came with his wife Anu from Oberlin, Ohio--a great treat for me to see them. Larry and I have worked together around 16 or 17 years. And perhaps most wonderful of all, my retired colleagues, John Covolo and Phil Skerry, came to celebrate my birthday.
Old Friends. Many of my friends from growing up in Euclid also came: John Wirsing and his wife Mary Ann came from Bainbridge. Tim Homan and his wife Mel came from the Dark Side, west of the Cuyahoga River (Parma, I think). Bill Heiss, who I have known since my first day of cub scouts (probably 1957) was there with his wife Ruth Ann, and Ross and Gail Salupo made the trek to Chardon from their home on the lake in Euclid.
Newer Friends. Also there were Bill and Ann Busch, and their daughter Mary,who were our next-door neighbors in Euclid; they came in from Willoughby; and Todd and Mary Ray, whom we first met in 1991 or so with Peacemaker folks at the Cleveland State University Newman Center, made the short jaunt from Munson Township.
I've probably left out some people--so sorry! I was very very happy to see each and every one of these dear friends--and hardly had time at the party to talk much with everyone. It's the same frustration that happens at weddings--so many dear friends and so little time.
A Blessing for My Dear Friends.
I wish I could call down the Lord's blessing on all my friends and family. Maybe I'll use the old Irish blessing and say, "May the road rise to meet you, May the wind be always at your back, May the sun shine warm upon your face, The rains fall soft upon your fields, And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of His hand."
Cards and Presents.
Despite the invitation's exhortation not to bring presents, of course many people did. Most presents fell into one of two categories: alcohol; and sweets (candy, maple syrup, honey, etc.). Tell me these dear friends don't know me well!
I also got many wonderful, and often hilarious, cards . . . .
[More coming soon]
On June 7th, four days before my 60th birthday, my family, friends, and colleagues surprised me with a birthday party. Surprise is too mild a word--I was flabbergasted, stunned, gob-smacked! I chalk up the surprise to some devilishly deceptive devious doings by my wife Linda, my sister Mary Ellen, and my daughters Julia and Emily. And there some other suspects in the surprise as well.
Around 5 or 5:30 PM Saturday, June 7th, Linda suggested we go out to a sports bar to watch the Belmont Stakes to see "Big Brown" win the Triple Crown. I should have been suspicious right there because never in our marriage of 30 years has Linda suggested we go to a sports bar! I agreed to go and we ate supper at Damon's and watched Big Brown come in last in the Belmont. Good thing I didn't go through with my plan to bet my retirement funds on this sure thing. Soon after the race we headed home, a 25-minute drive. When we got near Chardon, Linda got a call from Emily saying she spilled a gallon of milk [a lie to stall us while Larry and Anu Needham arrived] and asking us to stop at the Convenient Store to get more milk. I thought to myself, Damn, why isn't Em more careful! Spilled milk over our new kitchen floor! We're going to have to mop that up real good with soap and water. After Linda came out of the store with the milk, she told me that Em was having a bunch of her friends over for a bonfire [another in a string of devious lies!].
Minutes later, we turned north off the GAR Highway, US Route 6, onto Penniman Drive (named after "Little Richard" Penniman, the rock 'n roll pioneer). As we approached our house I saw about 20 cars parked up and down the street near our house. I thought, Damn, Em is having all her friends over for that bonfire. We'll have to chaperone 25 19-year-olds!
We parked the car in the driveway, walked up the steps and opened the door. "Surprise!" yelled some 30 or more people, followed by a rendition of "Happy Birthday." It still didn't sink in! (You must think I am really dense!). I saw my sister Mary Ellen and saw Micki Long taking my picture and thought, What's going on here? What the hell are they doing here ? Where's Em's friends? And then it finally hit me--this was a surprise birthday party for me. I had never ever had one before.
The Linchpin of the Conspiracy.
There were lots and lots of clues that I ignored that allowed for the surprise party to be a genuine surprise. And I admit--I am often oblivious to what's going on around me. I attribute this to my status as an "absent-minded professor," but it could also be attributed to loss of brain cells during the 1960's and 1970's--I lost billions of neurons at Woodstock alone! In fact, I can't even remember for sure if I was there!
Anyway, here's the linchpin of the surprise. Some time in May, my sister Mary Ellen sent an email to Linda at our "Snowbelt98" email address. This hasn't ever been considered a private email address, and I often open emails if they are from my sister or from Sue and Steve Sanders. So I wasn't really snooping at private email. Mary Ellen's email that said something like "see you around Bob's birthday." Well, that should have sent alarm bells ringing, but no . . . . Because a follow up email mentioned something about Mary Ellen and Ed getting together with Linda and me sometime around my birthday in Cleveland's Little Italy neighborhood for supper. In fact, Linda mentioned this possibility to me. Any thought of a surprise birthday party was banished--I just figured we were going to have a nice quiet dinner in the Murray Hill neighborhood sometime around June 10th. That particular email was a trick, a devious trick. These were tracks laid down in the wrong direction--for the express purpose of convincing me that there would be no surprise party. And it absolutely worked. These guys, Mary Ellen and Linda, should work for the CIA. Maybe they do!
Who Was There.
Family. My sister Mary Ellen Zaremba was there with her husband Ed, driving in from Medina County on their Honda Goldwing. My brother Jimmy was there with his wife Jodi and their kids Dillon, Darby, and Quinn (and the kids brought their friend Brandon O'Donnell). My brother Kev was also there with his sons Tommy and Cody (who had graduated from Mentor High
School that very day), but brother Denny and his wife Sher were stuck in San Diego, so they were there in spirit and via telephone. My daughter Julia, one of the co-conspirators was there with her husband Ed. And Ed's parents, Judy and Ken Kleppel also came (we had a surprise 60th birthday party a couple weeks earlier for Judy--I should have seen this coming!). And my youngest daughter, Emily, also a co-conspirator, came up from Athens, Ohio (Ohio University) with her roommate Sarah just for the party. My middle daughter Carolan had just started her environmental education camp in the Front Range mountains above Nederland, Colorado, so she couldn't be there in person, but she did manage to call.
Colleagues. Many of my colleagues at Lakeland Community College were there. In fact, when I opened the door, there was Micki Long snapping my picture. Micki and I were hired at Lakeland on the same day in 1988, and have worked closely together for 20 years. Also there were Sue Kincaid and her husband Tim. Sue and I have worked together for some 18 years. Larry Needham came with his wife Anu from Oberlin, Ohio--a great treat for me to see them. Larry and I have worked together around 16 or 17 years. And perhaps most wonderful of all, my retired colleagues, John Covolo and Phil Skerry, came to celebrate my birthday.
Old Friends. Many of my friends from growing up in Euclid also came: John Wirsing and his wife Mary Ann came from Bainbridge. Tim Homan and his wife Mel came from the Dark Side, west of the Cuyahoga River (Parma, I think). Bill Heiss, who I have known since my first day of cub scouts (probably 1957) was there with his wife Ruth Ann, and Ross and Gail Salupo made the trek to Chardon from their home on the lake in Euclid.
Newer Friends. Also there were Bill and Ann Busch, and their daughter Mary,who were our next-door neighbors in Euclid; they came in from Willoughby; and Todd and Mary Ray, whom we first met in 1991 or so with Peacemaker folks at the Cleveland State University Newman Center, made the short jaunt from Munson Township.
I've probably left out some people--so sorry! I was very very happy to see each and every one of these dear friends--and hardly had time at the party to talk much with everyone. It's the same frustration that happens at weddings--so many dear friends and so little time.
A Blessing for My Dear Friends.
I wish I could call down the Lord's blessing on all my friends and family. Maybe I'll use the old Irish blessing and say, "May the road rise to meet you, May the wind be always at your back, May the sun shine warm upon your face, The rains fall soft upon your fields, And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of His hand."
Cards and Presents.
Despite the invitation's exhortation not to bring presents, of course many people did. Most presents fell into one of two categories: alcohol; and sweets (candy, maple syrup, honey, etc.). Tell me these dear friends don't know me well!
I also got many wonderful, and often hilarious, cards . . . .
[More coming soon]
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