Thursday, September 3, 2009

Jimmy and Kevin's Fishing Odyssey: A Homeric Tale

[This is a work-in-progress; I'm getting the true story from some of the guilty parties and will periodically add to and correct this story]

"Why didn't we think of this before?" chuckled Jim.

"Because we're not the sharpest tools in the shed," cracked Homer as he grabbed another 16-inch trout out of the narrow stream. "This is like taking candy from babies!"

When you really want to catch some fish, you go where the fish are. And when you really really want to catch fish, you go to the Pennsylvania Fish Hatchery just outside Indiana, PA. That's what my brothers Kevin and Jimmy and several other friends, including Homer, did some 30+ years ago, when they were young and foolish--or just plain crazy.

After grabbing about 20 beautiful rainbow trout, they figured they had enough for a terrific supper. And then, as they say, things went terribly wrong. They heard a booming voice from a PA Department of Natural Resources cop yell, "Stop what you're doing, boys, and put your hands in the air!"

They were caught red-handed--20 rainbows plucked from the hatchery stream. Within minutes, Kevin and his cronies were cuffed and seated in the back seat of the police car, and Jim and Homer were handcuffed to the steering wheel of Jim's old junker. They'd have to wait for another police car for their trip to join Kevin in the Indiana PA jail.

Jim and Homer began to wiggle the steering wheel back and forth, back and forth. And to their amazement, it began to break off the steering column. "Holy smoke," Jim said, "we're gonna break this sucker off. "And then suddenly, snap, it was off, and the boys slid out of the car, still cuffed to the broken steering wheel.

"Let's get the hell outta here," said Homer. And the boys began to run, holding the wheel out in front of them, speeding in the dark in the general direction of Homer's family's home. It wasn't two minutes when they came to a roaring creek. And if they wanted to get to Homer's house, some thirteen miles away, they would have to cross that creek. So they waded in, in the black night, on the slippery rocks, into the raging water. Wow, what a dumb move, Jim thought immediately. And then suddenly, they were swept into the creek, off their feet, both still handcuffed to the wheel, swallowing water, almost expecting they would drown. Then just as suddenly, the water dumped them on a rocky bank on the other side of the creek. They were alive, freezing cold, and soaking wet.[story will continue soon]

[I've embellished a basically true story with some fictional details. To the extent possible, I'll correct any embellishments as I get the straight dope from my brothers.]

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